A reader writes:
It is a bizarre low-stakes factor. I work in a small authorities workplace and we now have a man working right here who’s been right here for over 40 years and is inside a yr or two of retiring.
I like him properly sufficient, however I’ve observed he virtually by no means calls girls by their names. Any lady he speaks to, he addresses as simply “you,” and if he’s speaking a few lady who’s not within the room, he simply says “her.” There are extra girls working right here than males, and he at all times makes use of the boys’s names or at the least their surnames.
It makes it very complicated once I don’t know which “her” he means. I’m “her,” my closest colleague is “her,” our massive boss is “her.”
I don’t know if he’s doing it intentionally/maliciously or if he simply genuinely can’t keep in mind any of our names, and thus no thought if I needs to be outraged or attempting to do something about it. If I immediate him, he normally will make clear who he’s speaking about, after a little bit of hesitation, and he’s not significantly sexist or something past this. Is that this only a bizarre quirk I ought to proceed to be mildly amused and perplexed by, or ought to I be taking a extra energetic stance in getting him to make use of girls’s names?
Why not simply ask him about it? “I’ve observed you by no means seek advice from girls by their names though you employ males’s names. How come?”
After which perhaps: “It’s actually arduous to know who you’re speaking about once you don’t use names. Are you able to please use our names similar to you do with males?”
Who is aware of why he’s doing this. Possibly he’s uncomfortable with girls, perhaps he sees us all as a generic block with no individuality, perhaps he’s taking a stand in opposition to girls being at work. I don’t know, but it surely’s bizarre and troubling and it doesn’t belong at work. It’s best to be at liberty to name him out on it each time, which is able to make him look even weirder if he insists on persevering with.
You may additionally level it out to your boss. I’m guessing she’s observed, however saying it out loud would possibly nudge her to deal with it herself.